I am writing this first post on a plane, coming home from a time in Indonesia, where I worked on a theatre project in the ARTJOG festival, Indonesia’s most significant international arts festival held each year in Jogjakarta with my long time collaborators Mainteater in Bandung. Then, after the project finished I stayed in Amed, Bali for a week to work on business things and focus on myself.

We had worked for several years on the project which we performed in Artjog, much of it online during covid lockdowns between our two countries Indonesia and Australia, and then earlier this year where we held a stage of development of the work in Bandung.

But over the last few years and particularly the past 6 months I have been focusing on my personal healing and transformation, and as a result have been opening up into different areas of my life. I have been through a process of diagnosis of childhood CPTSD and ADHD, which are probably related, and have felt called to starting to share about this and my healing journey. I am not sure where it will go, but I will keep sharing as I go.  

And part of this journey is finding financial freedom. I am opening this site, with a shop also. Botanic Mystic. Because the botanic world gives us love and guidance in many forms if we listen. And listening is what makes us mystical.

Something about writing this blog, connecting it to an online shop feels freeing. It has been a lot of work, and it is just starting, but it feels like getting a vehicle up which I can then drive.

It is incredibly exciting for me to explore this avenue of supporting myself, but also as a platform to talk about the aspects of my life which I have been uncovering. Growing up with a mother on the autism spectrum who was highly traumatised and as a result violent. My understanding of neurodiversity opening up, after a number of years of coaching and mentoring people on the autism spectrum, and my own diagnosis of ADHD and CPTSD.

I have had many aspects of my life suddenly make sense, where as before I was flailing, even while many people saw me as a high achiever. I don’t necessarily think diagnosis is a good thing, indeed it can be limiting when we become boxed by a perception of diagnosis. But for me, after silently struggling with so many aspects of my life, having a diagnosis has helped me have compassion for myself and to find power in myself and freedom in my voice.

For a long time I have felt stifled, like I can’t talk about my experiences. But now I feel prompted to open up my voice, to speak about things I couldn’t before. To uncover what has been holding me back, to finally acknowledge the masking I have done for so long, masking a term which is so well known to those on the neuro-diverse spectrums. As we do it a lot to fit in, to be normal, and in the process we silence our unique selves.

This time in Amed really gave me a sense of what is possible. Of how I want to live. I no longer can work for others. I want to be free to arrange my time as I want and find my natural productivity within that.

I imagine I will write posts which alternate between reflections on theatre, ADHD, trauma, art, religion, neurodiversity, spirituality, expansion and anything else.

I would like to sometimes interview others, who are inspiring to me.

Your support is always appreciated. And I would love to hear from you with any comments.

And please enjoy the photos of art works I created in Bali, and of our project in Artjog.